Thoughts on a breast cancer book that I am reading: A Breast Cancer Alphabet by Madhulika Sikka. Because I read so many blogs online, I almost did not pick it up at the library, but it is a great survivor story and thoughts (sic) provoking, especially for a beginner blogger. She is a prominent news exec w National Public Radio NPR so her story is well written.
Anxiety, Breasts, Cancerland, Drugs, Epiphany, Fashion Accessories, Guilt, Hair, Indignities, Journey, Kindness, Looks, Masectomy, Notebook, Odds, Pillows, Quitting, Reconstruction, Sex, Therapy, Un-, Warrior, You, Zzzzz's. Listing the words just doesn't make any sense. But, they make sense to me.
LoLa used to be anxious with a "small a", going to Stewart Ave for that first time encouraged by good friend P especially due to Mom's bc history, and at that initial mammography when they said "you have to have a sonogram today" and quietly crying in the waiting room alone but with others, having that very first anxiety attack only to find out this was somewhat "routine" and here is your yellow slip to give to the desk on your way out ... next year call at least six months in advance to schedule both the mammography and sonogram on the same date. Look at me now.
Foobs. Years ago our already beautiful co-worker S. had a boob job, maybe it was for her 40th birthday? She was the first person we ever knew to actually have this type of surgery. Wow!! Fast forward to the more recent past, co-worker T. was the most open of bc what? victims, patients, survivors? to have a mastectomy and foobs. As forthcoming and open as a person could be T was a role model and supporter for LoLa and harbinger of good things to come. She was right, the expanders were a pain but in the end Doc B did a fine job. That is , good enough for a government worker. (Sister L is gonna kill me for that little inside joke.) I am still a shy person and cringe at any discussion of the last proposed surgery: nipples and areola. Who needs that?
Accepting help. Beyond my hubby and rellies. neighbor and old family friend D. pitched in, big time. It was all mysterious how she became involved in such a generous way to support the whole family. I mention D. because she is the one who insisted on helping by providing us with many a meal, saying it felt good for her to be a blessing. D. asked us what kind of food we liked. She did research and tried out new recipes. She tried to provide nutrition!! Decorations!! Love. I learned to share the blessing and try to be a gift to others. Thank you D. for helping me to heal without guilt.
Stop putting things off. This one is a work in progress. Seeing the Cherry Blossoms in Washington DC. Going to visit good friends B and B who live out of state. What were we waiting for? Co-worker KP figured this out after September 11th. She retired and is leading the good life with the family and in good health!!
Rest. Two years later I still need a huge amount of rest. I also know where I am most comfortable. At home!! Keep her watered and fed, and as sister D's saying goes, "them will be apples".
Record keeping. Like this blog and notes. This all started out with the realization that Mom had gone through this when she was 50 years old, and when she died at age 55 there were no medical records. Nor were there many records about what she had gone through after her bc diagnosis since we were all too immature and self centered, both emotionally and physically absent from Mom and Dad's day to day life, diagnosis, medical issues and treatment for each. Now we are just that ache of missing them particularly during the month of May when Mom died and Mother's Day. Time heals all wounds. But, now it is my turn....just disappear into heaven (like Mom with Jackie Onassis I must say) or leave a record? Is this at all helpful to you at all Dear Reader?
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